How many times has this question been asked: Where are all the female Magic players? Trust me, gents; they’re out there, and there are more than you think. However, the average male Magic player doesn’t seem to be equipped mentally to accept that fact when he is actually confronted with one. That’s because, as a group, we male Magic players are a bit on the immature side. Yes, I'm including myself in there as well, because I can be a raving lunatic at times. However, being intimately involved (and no, I don’t mean that statement in a dirty way) with a female Magic player for almost a decade now has given me a keen insight into the female Magic player psyche that most guys never get the chance to examine. Harken, my friends, to my tale.

First off, as an example of what NOT to do, take a look at a certain post in MOTL’s General Discussion forum entitled “Magic babes”. Hell, just the subject is a step in the wrong direction. Do you really think that a woman likes to be called a “babe” like that? Sure, there are certain times when calling a woman a babe is appropriate, most of the time when said as a half-joke, but used in that context it’s just insulting. It’s all about common sense people, and common sense dictates that you not say something that stupid. Once you find that post, I encourage you to take a look at some of the replies to it, then come back here and tell me that quite a few of the “gentlemen” aren’t treating women like pieces of meat. I believe that my dear TemptingElf put it best when she said that a lot of the guys on MOTL are talking but not actually saying anything.

Please, don’t argue with that by saying that not every guy on MOTL acts like that. I’m well aware that the majority of the male players that frequent the site are true gentlemen (in the case of how they treat women, anyway). I’m talking about that minority that seems to think (or not think, as the case may be) that they can say just about anything without insulting a lady. It may seem a bit archaic, maybe even a shade of medieval, but I believe that a woman should be treated with the greatest courtesy (opening doors for her, pulling out her chair, etc.), and topics like the one mentioned about are NOT showing that courtesy. I may not be the most eloquent guy out there, but that’s the way I feel.

Let’s face it, gents: We’ve got no idea how the female mind works. Throughout time, men have been absolutely baffled by the workings of the female mind, and whether we like it or not, we’re not going to get an answer any time soon. I don’t need to explain this to those of us that have been in long term relationships (Neo Darkside, I’m sure that you of all people get what I’m saying), but I’m going to speak in nice slow sentences for those members of the male MOTL population that can’t seem to catch a break with the ladies. If you want to be respected by a member of the opposite sex, guys, you’re going to have to use some common sense. That’s leads me into my next series of points.

Don’t treat female Magic players as outcasts. Just because they’re not as common as male players doesn’t mean that they are spectacles for us guys to observe. It doesn’t work that way. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve snuck a few glances at a few women Magic players in my time, which is to be expected because I’m only human, but I have never sat there with a dumbfound look on my face and thought the equivalent of “Duh…pretty…”. What’s that equivalent to? Any thought or comment that makes mention of body parts, lewd actions to perform, and anything else that is just disrespectful. I don’t expect every male Magic player to act that way, as everyone’s system of beliefs is different, but at least you can show an outward respect for women players. Don’t check them out, don’t stare at their chests during matches, and for the love of God don’t make sexual innuendoes.

On the flip side of the coin, though….

Ladies, please, be patient with us guys. We can’t predict what you’re thinking. Talk slowly and use small words, because frankly you’re enigmas to us. Don’t take things personally if we slip up and say something that you might see as offensive. Those of us that actually respect women will try to use some common sense in our dealings with those of your sex, but we’re going to screw up. This is true in all of life, not just Magic. Try not to be too sensitive about that sort of thing, although there’s definitely a line that shouldn’t be crossed.

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Commander cradleguard
Cobalt Team
MOTL Moderator
cradleguard@magictraders.com

1. Bathe frequently. All too often, male gamers do not understand the importance of good hygeine. This includes showering, shaving, using deodorant, and brushing your teeth.

2. Do not refer to us as "babes" or use other condescending terms.

3. Do not cuss or scream when we beat you. If you lose, that does not mean we are whores, sluts, *****es, or *insert derogatory female slang word here*. Just becuase we're of the "lesser" sex, doesn't mean we suck at Magic. Lose gracefully.

4. Do not ogle us. If you haven't seen a woman before, you really need to get out more often. This includes pointing, and whispering to friends.

Basically, we just ask to be treated with respect. I personally don't want anyone to jump up and grab the door for me, or pull my chair out or anything else. I just want to go to a tournament and not be stared at like I'm an alien just landed from another planet.

And ladies, be patient. They eventually grow out of it. I got married because of a Magic dork.

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Ashlie

"Have you ever noticed that people who see things are always crazy?" Ving Rhames to Nick Cage in Bringing Out the Dead

On the topic of this Across the Board in general, I simply would like to add my voice to those of the others who have already expressed their gratitude to iakae for writing this. Excellent work.

Finally, a personal note. I am of a rare breed, a male feminist (no, I am not gay, that's simply a political statement). Having female players around is absolutely no different from having a male player around. Treat them identically. The only difference is in your head.

"Return friendly fire."

Also, in responce to what Ashlie said, hygine is so fital. I've been to tournys where I've wished for a CoP: BO.

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I feel just like a local god when I'm with the boys

I will say this, people at FNM treat her real well, often helping her by pointing out things she would miss...like blocking, then tapping to do something. She appreciates it, and so do I as it makes her better competition for me. I guess I have to say Kudos to the people in my area, even though they are young, they show some maturity.

Ah...now to address what some of the others wrote. COP: BO would be such a broken card it's not funny. But I haven't had much problem with the guys around where I am. Also, I do think it's offensive to other ladies when guys call them "babes" or "chicks". Face it guys, calling a complete stranger a "babe" or a "chick" doesn't cut it. Try to address them by their names.

Hmm...well, that's about it.

but also, if the ladies want to be treated as equals, some of them dont show it. one female who played my brother in a tourney did everything but take her top off to distract him( such as lifting her breasts, leaning over in his face to "see cards on his side"[note: she was wearing a very revealing shirt], licking her finger in a quite unappropriate way, and other things as well. and the next time we saw her, she had her legs up on a table applying lotion, FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES!!! i mean come on. im not saying all players act like this, in reality very few do, but those females like the one above dont help them achieve magic equality.

I'm the Deranged Dad columnist at magiccampus.com

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Shrooms: You fool! Shrooms can't talk!
Me: But you're talking to me now!
Shrooms: No we aren't.

My refs: classic.magictraders.com/reflists/*Tedman*.html

I am apparently new and am probably responding to a possibly old article,

but I must praise you for giving thought to us females in the magic genre.

Although I think we females don't deserve so much defense on another person's part.

I must say that during my period of playing magic, I have had little complications with males. There are times that they do offend me, but I am not hyper-sensitive to things such as that and I usually simply shrug it off.

As for being called a "babe" or a "hottie" (shrugs at Evangelion's post) - like most women I do take offense in it, but usually if it is a person I know I won't take it so harshly. But I do advise all males out there to please be considerate of our feelings!

If any of you saw that particular post by Evangelion - which i couldn't respond to <was it restricted?> - I took little to no offense from it because i know the writer in real life and I know that he is just joking around with me.

but to posts like the "Magic card babes" or something of that nature - I feel slightly less-important and in a way degraded because of it since it is the opinion of a stranger from somewhere to look upon females as something to drool over all day.

But I see it flattering that at least there are some people out there with a clear <or near clear> understanding of a women's thoughts towards men.

I thank you once more for the delightful article iakae,

hopefully I will have the privilege to talk to you again soon.

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Ally
* Serenity *